blog one: a guiding light for others

For a long time, I have struggled with over-giving to others. 

Thankfully, at this current point in my life, I feel that am finally able to say goodbye to this narrative. A narrative that involved choosing others over myself, always. Where my thoughts, my feelings, and my well-being, were never my first priority. 

A part of me enjoyed being selfless. I liked being there for others and giving them everything I could to help them in any way, shape, or form. But the issue was - I never had anything left to give myself. It would be true to say that my cup had always been half full/half empty. And whatever I did have in this cup, id be pouring into others. Leaving me drained, empty, and with nothing left to give - to myself or others. 

There are so many reasons why I lived like this for so long, but we’ll talk about that some other time.

Today, I want to address how we help others. The way I felt and still occasionally feel, when all I want to do is help someone because I feel I know exactly what they need, to overcome whatever struggles they are going through. 

And sure, as amazing as it is that over time I have accumulated so many tools, resources, and solutions for myself and the people that I love. It always got to a point where no matter what I said, or much I said it - essentially spoon-feeding people with everything they need to fix their problems - they were never going to get it unless THEY were ready to fix it. 

They were never going to overcome or grow from whatever issues or life struggles they were going through if they weren’t ready to truly be open and help themselves. Unfortunately, for me, this was always a tough pill to swallow. I couldn't understand, why people wouldn't want all of the solutions to all of their problems. For a time, I blamed myself for not being a better support person for them. 

I'm grateful to have realised it had nothing to do with me. 

It’s like the old saying goes, you can bring a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink. And just like what I was doing, I can spoon-feed them all I want, but I can't make them use it for their personal benefit, to help themselves get out of their situation. 

After some time, I realised that even this spoon-feeding wasn't doing me or them any good. I was giving them the solutions and they were saving them for dessert. I’d be pouring myself silly, and they would be drinking it all up. I was still being left empty, and they were quickly getting full of stuff that wasn’t even theirs. 

Essentially, I was figuring out the meaning, the reasons, and the lessons behind the obstacles and tests in their life. I was solving what was theirs, and hoping that they’d be able to live life easier. Instead, I was taking away their chance to grow, both as an individual as a soul and their ability to experience life in its truest form. 

I was inhibiting them from truly understanding and benefiting from their life lessons. This meant that, in time, a similar pattern would emerge, with similar underlying issues to test them yet again, to see if they had truly healed, overcome, or grown from what they learned previously. 

But instead of them having their own understanding, I'd be needed once more to give them the same learnings from the lesson that they’d already experienced before. The lesson, that I had already learned for them, in hopes that they’d have it easier next time around. 

I was also draining myself frequently, in hopes that my constant support for others would be enough to fill me up and make me feel good. Yet, it was never enough, and I was a cup that was never full. 

So now I understand what it means to truly be a guiding light for others. 

It doesn't mean solving their problems and issues for them. It doesn’t mean pouring everything into someone else and forgetting about yourself, to be selfless and empathetic. It doesn't mean learning their lessons and taking on their burdens so they have it easier. It doesn't mean making them understand before they are ready to. 

Life lessons are unique to us as individual souls. We are here to learn, to grow, and to evolve, and we can’t do that if we allow others to do it all for us. It is our responsibility as individuals, to learn, experience, and feel what is ours. It is also not our responsibility as individuals to give all the solutions to someone who we think needs it. 

You will never learn if you do not experience life lessons for yourself. You will never grow if you allow others to make life easier for you. You will never evolve if you aren’t open or willing to do what’s best for yourself. 

It’s like butterfly language and caterpillar people. Both as equal to the other, both as unique and special as the other, and both as deserving as the other. Yet they are still different from one another. 

You cannot make someone understand something, you can only bring awareness to them and hope that in time they will be open to learning and understanding how they can use it to their advantage, to benefit them and their growth, and to evolve from their personal life lesson.

You cannot give understanding to someone who is not ready to understand. You cannot do the work for them and then hope that they’ve grown. You cannot pour all of yourself into someone else, and expect your cup to be full. You cannot live someone else's life lesson and trust that they’ve learned. 

Insight is all you can give. Perspective is all you can give. Awareness is all you can give.  

Be a guiding light, not their light source. 

All my love <3