blog four: experiencing, knowing & growing
at this point in my life, I often find myself reflecting on my growth, & how much my life has changed because of it.
the way that I write this, might make it seem like that I am boasting about my growth, but it’s more that I just find it so fascinating. it is such an integral part of our lives as spiritual & human beings.
we are born, we grow, & we die - this phrase makes it seem so simple.
& perhaps the idea of growth is simple.
but when you think of your own growth - of your evolution as a being. how exactly did you become the person that you are today? what does your brain know about yourself & your life?
the human brain is so good at making many of our experiences bad. our memories are often riddled with uncomfortable emotions, thoughts & realizations of the past. & when this happens, usually we go into a space of avoidance, denial, shame, regret, & or wishing that we had never experienced some of the things that we did.
how insane is it, that our brain does this to us? how insane is it that our response to the past is so negative most of the time? these experiences were your life. it was your brain’s version of how you lived the life that you have. it is embedded into your subconscious, & plays a role in your dreams. however, we often tie this to ourselves in a way that doesn’t necessarily help us.
is it not true that many of your past experiences - now memories in your brain - affect the way you react & respond to all present situations, which then creates & influences your future?
it’s almost as if you are constantly reliving the same experiences over & over again…just with different people, in different places, & maybe in different ways. but all in all, they are always the same.
you are likely constantly re-experiencing life as the first real version of yourself. you are constantly re-living your life, as the version of yourself that had not yet grown, but exists only as the self that you know.
to grow, you must first experience. & you have done this time & time again. but maybe, for some of you, you have not experienced something NEW in a long time. & i don’t mean this quite literally…i mean that maybe you have not experienced new feelings, thoughts & patterns in response to situations that may be new for you.
your brain only knows what your subconscious beliefs tell it. everything else is just ‘a potential’ until it becomes your reality — until you choose it over & over again.
of course, this can’t necessarily be said for your first memories & childhood conditioning. you had no choice but to experience what you experienced. not in the way you can now…you HAD to experience things so that one day you could GROW from them. so that you could understand yourself as the person who experienced it, the person who healed from it, & then the person who could become more than it.
you are not your experiences. you are a person who experiences, & is pushed to grow from them. the more you experience newness as an open & aware being…the more you know all of YOURSELF - the many versions of yourself. & there are infinite versions of you.
when you continue to re-experience life the way you always have, you may never truly grow. you may never truly experience something new. you may never get to know ALL of yourself.
& this is why growth is so interesting because it doesn’t just happen. we grow only when we choose to. we GROW when we decide that we want to experience more than what we already have…as the person who already has.
& that’s why growth is so incredibly uncomfortable because you are actively going against the self that you have always existed as - the only self that you have really known.
as we all know, the unknown is terrifying. (this sentence in itself has space for growth - collectively speaking).
but another thing that is terrifying, is re-experiencing every moment in your life the exact same way, as only one version of yourself, & with the capacity for nothing more than what you think you know.